ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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