i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
