I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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