shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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