He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
