Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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