its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
