before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
