Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
