Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
