Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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