I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
