Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
