just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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