I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
