Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
