Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
