You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
