My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
