and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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