i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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