At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
