Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
