i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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