i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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