Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
