Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
