The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
