lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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