my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
