You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
