Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
