Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
