just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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