yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize