are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
