the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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