you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
