i think i have herpe
just one?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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