I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish I only lived at night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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