awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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