"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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