I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
