Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize