I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize