I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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