Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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