cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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