careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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