I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
