I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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