at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize