I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
