who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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