I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
