I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
