He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
