No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I need water and some morals
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
