in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
