don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
