Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
