i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
