i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
