Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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