I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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