Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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