yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
