If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
