I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
