if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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