he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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