I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
