Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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