Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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