You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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