Pappa wants mamma naked
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
