We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
