dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
