it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
