My sheets look like a crime scene.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize