Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
50% drunk capacity currently
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
