Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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