Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
