Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
