And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize