Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
